Bullies

From LoveToKnow Teens

Bullies have garnered more and more attention in recent years, namely because of the Columbine school shooting of 1999. It is widely believed that the perpetuators of that heinous crime did so partly in response to bullying. More recently, video has surfaced of a group of girls kicking and punching a young girl in Long Island, New York. This has fanned the discussion flames on bullying even more.

Girl feeling low

Finally, in response to these disturbing images, people are beginning to take bullying seriously. To begin, bullying comes in many forms. It encompasses verbal harassment, physical assault, and other forms of coercion and manipulation. We know bullies can be found at every age, and from every walk of life. The question is why?

Why We Have Bullies

Here are some factors that contribute to bullying:

  • Many have a rocky home life. In fact, many bullies characterize their families as having little warmth and affection. That is, their families have trouble sharing their feelings, and are less close to one another. Parents of bullies tend to use inconsistent discipline, and don’t monitor their children’s whereabouts as much as some other parents.
  • They often don’t make the grade. Bullies are not typically known for being at the head of their class, often because they have learning disabilities or ADHD. These learning difficulties may make it very difficult for the bully to focus and understand the concepts being taught in class. As the child’s level of frustration at schoolwork rises, the odds of him or her taking out that frustration on a classmate also rises. Keep in mind, however, that children with learning disabilities do not automatically become troublemakers; many factors contribute to bullying.
  • Many have low self-esteem. When viewed through the lens of these factors, it’s very easy to see why low self-esteem plays a factor. As a way to counter act this low self-esteem, the individual will seek out someone to pick on, and become violent with, as it makes him or her feel stronger, more confident, and in control.

Different Types of Bullying

The stereotypical image of bullying, like having your books slapped out of your hands, seems quaint compared to the graphic images flashed on our televisions today. Technology has advanced at supersonic speeds, and bullying has adapted to the changing times. Here are some different types of bullying:

Different Types of Bullying
Type of Bullying Description
Cyber BullyingUsing email, instant messaging, Internet chat rooms, and camera phones to spread malicious rumors, gossip, or hate messages. This can be done at all hours of the night, ensuring that the victim never has a moment’s peace.
Emotional BullyingIsolating, or excluding a child from social activities, such as not allowing the intended target to sit at a certain table in the lunchroom.
Physical BullyingThe actual hitting, kicking, biting, and hair pulling that can accompany verbal threats or harassment.
Racist BullyingBullying when the victim is picked on solely because of a cultural or skin color difference.
Sexual BullyingForcing unwanted physical contact, or says inappropriate things of a sexual nature.
Verbal BullyingIncludes name calling, constant mocking, or laughing at an individual.
Girls whispering at girl

Signs of A Victim

If you feel that you are being harassed, suspect someone you know is being intimidated, or are the parents of a child being harassed; here are some of the most recognizable signs:

  • Avoiding school by claiming to be ill
  • Missing personal belongings or money
  • Having trouble sleeping
  • Demonstrating poor concentration on subjects they used to love
  • Grades of an otherwise good student begin to decline
  • The victim begins to change their regular routine. For example, taking the long way home, and avoiding the school bus stop.
  • Bedwetting when it was never a problem in the past

How to Deal

If you are being bullied, or suspect someone you know is, then you probably want to know how to deal with it. Dealing with this kind of situation is never easy. Here are some ideas to do just that.

  • Don’t show anger - it gives the perpetrator just the reaction he or she is looking for
  • Try not to get physical in retaliation as you can never be sure whether someone has a weapon.
  • Walk away and ignore the individual.
  • Use humor or a compliment to disarm him or her
  • Tell an adult
  • Talk to a school guidance counselor, teacher, school principal or parent
  • Try to stay in a group of friends if and when walking to and from school
  • Develop more friendships by joining social clubs, for example, the French Club, or a sports program.

Putting It All Together

The bottom line is teens that harass others do so because they feel insecure about themselves. They may feel weak, insignificant and powerless over, and in, their own lives. That anger they feel about themselves gets pushed to the surface, and instead of dealing with the underlying causes for those emotions, they take it out on those around them. The world has always had bullies, and probably always will. The best thing you can do to stop this kind of a situation is look them in the eye, and tell the individual to stop it. Then go tell an adult. More and more schools recognize the seriousness of this problem, and have developed strategies to help deal with them. The best thing you can do is speak up. It may turn out to be the only thing needed to stop the situation from becoming explosive.


 


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