Cliques

The Exclusivity of Girls

Why do girls form cliques while boys usually do not? One study suggests that girls tend to "clique" together because they are searching for a way to build alliances and self-esteem. From a very young age, females are made to feel inferior by their male peers. Therefore, girls form groups as a way to guard against those that make them feel badly about themselves.

While cliques tend to be associated with junior high and high school students, they have been discovered within groups of children in elementary school. Young girls learn quickly that forming a tight-knit group of friendships helps them feel like they belong. Being a member of a clique can grant them prestige and a prime position in the playground's social hierarchy. It is a form of insurance – a guaranteed group of people to eat lunch with, friends to hang out with during recess, and invitations to the best parties, etc. Since young people thrive off of stability and routine, cliques are appealing to those who are still craving it the most.

On the Inside Wanting Out

Outsiders may feel they are missing out on a lot when a group shuns them. However, being on the inside isn't always peaches and cream. Group members are subject to the decisions made by the group's ringleaders.

This may include being told to wear certain clothing or to not speak to particular people. Members of the pack are expected to follow "the rules." If they don't, members know their seat in the cafeteria can easily be filled with a new recruit.

Members of cliques are usually told to whom they can associate with. This can be devastating if the members have a falling out. When trouble within the ranks occurs, members have no other outside friendships to fall back on for comfort or support.

Cliques are also famous for ousting members and then allowing them back in, or for leading a girl into believing she is about to gain access into the group. Many times the group is enjoying a form of social torment; the girl has no chance of being an accepted member of the group.

As for the group members themselves, co-dependency issues often form, causing arguments. Despite the instability, members cling to these alliances because they can't imagine their lives without them.

Cliques in College and Beyond

After the playground days are gone, the Greek system in college replaces them. Sororities and fraternities are the next level of ultra-elite cliques. Students are interviewed for membership during "rush", and then "pledge" for a designated period of time. Pledging doesn't guarantee membership to these exclusive clubs. Individuals must prove that they can follow the rules before they are initiated and made full members.

While some members of the Greek system have been criticized over the years for hazing, many have abandoned the practice altogether. Greek organizations now focus on philanthropy and provide students a stable household to live in while they are away at college.

However, as in childhood, sorority life can be damaging and too exclusive for some. As members grow older, they may choose to associate with individuals outside of the Greek system. For these members, this can cause a strain on relationships within their house. Disagreements among members may cause some to leave the Greek system entirely.

How You Can Help

If you have a school-age child or teenager, there are a few things that you can do to help steer them away from these sort of social circles and put them on the right path toward self-esteem and social success.

It is important to encourage children to have many friends. One way to help them do this is to allow your child to participate in a variety of extra-curricular activities. For example, Social clubs and sports teams allow children to form other meaningful relationships. Children that engage in a variety of activities are less likely to become members of a clique.

Children that have a stable home environment are also less likely to join a clique. Family game nights have become a popular way for families to regroup during the week. Allow children to choose the games for the evening so they feel more involved. Teenagers in particular, like to be included in decision-making. Encourage your teen to plan a dinner menu once or twice a week so that they can enjoy their favorite meals. Make family time enjoyable so that your child will want to spend more time at home, and less time with their small group of friends.