High School Lesbians

High school lesbians must actively seek out the resources and supportive relationships they need to feel comfortable and safe at school, home, and in the world at large.

The early 21st century is a time of highs and lows for lesbian women. This is a world where Heather Has Two Mommies can be found on library bookshelves. However, this same book has been at the center of countless censorship battles from parents concerned about its "inappropriate" content. In 2008, comedian Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi wed after California made lesbian unions legal. Months later, a proposal to outlaw gay marriage appeared on the November ballot in that state. Yet in many cases, teen lesbians are less concerned about these larger societal issues and more worried about surviving day-to-day life in the halls of their high school.

The first decision a teen must make upon realizing that she is a lesbian is whether she should "come out of the closet", or reveal that she is attracted to other women. Coming out is essentially a matter of being true to yourself and your personal identity. However, the decision to do so isn't necessarily that straightforward. You may worry about what your classmates will say or if your family will accept you.

It can be helpful to start small with someone you are sure will openly accept the news. For instance, if you know your aunt will be the most supportive member in your family, you can tell her first in the hopes that she will then become your advocate to other family members. From there, you can build confidence and reveal your discovery to more and more people.

But what do you do after everyone knows? There is no standard of "how high school lesbians must act." One teen may be outspoken about her sexual orientation, bringing up the lesbian perspective in class discussions and taking her girlfriend to the prom. Another teen may be equally secure in her identity, but rarely bring up the topic. You should base your actions on what feels comfortable for you rather than what others may think.

There are a number of helpful resources available for lesbian and gay teens as they navigate the tricky world of adolescent sexuality:

• OutProud offers a helpful pamphlet, "I Think I Might Be a Lesbian ... Now What Do I Do?". It takes girls through several questions they are likely to ask themselves as they realize they are attracted to other women, sharing thoughts from a number of teens who have faced the same thoughts.
• Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG provides information for friends and family members, whether they are just coming to terms with your sexual identity or already embracing it. Find support at a local chapter, or visit the website for the latest advocacy opportunities.
• LoveToKnow Best offers a list of the top teen lesbian websites, including portals for national organizations, news sites, and personal pages.
• Advocates for Youth, as part of its larger mission to help teens take charge of their sexual health, sponsors the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning (GLBTQ) Youth Initiative. This group aims to fight homophobic attitudes while also providing teens with the information they need to help them understand their sexual identity. The site includes a helpful search page for local programs, such as community groups and gay-straight alliances in high schools. Ambiente Joven is the organization's website for Spanish-speaking youth.
• The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) works on a national level to make schools more welcoming to homosexual students. One of its most popular efforts for teens is the creation of gay-straight alliances in high schools. In these groups, gay and straight teens work together to create a safe school climate and foster greater understanding.
• Lesbian Teenagers in High School is a film sharing the experiences of a diverse group of lesbian teens. They describe the difficulties of dealing with homophobia from both their fellow students and teachers. Teenagers who are just coming to terms with their sexual orientation can find comfort in these girls who have faced the same struggles. It can also be an eye-opening viewing experience for parents, classmates and teachers. Unfortunately, the film is quite expensive, intended for institutional purchase rather than home use. Check with your school counselor, health teacher, or local library for a copy.

Although high school life can be difficult for lesbian teens, with the right support they can look forward to a brighter future.

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