Parenting Teens

The Generation Gap

At no one point in a child’s life does he decide to have separate interests or a separate identity from his parents. Gradually, your child learned to prefer food and entertainment different from your own and to connect with individuals of the same age. During the teenage years, your child explores his interests, language, likes, and dislikes to develop a unique personality, usually with a group of peers. People this age require independence, but also guidance and support, often making your job difficult.

Connecting

You and your growing child can connect by finding similarities in differences. Though you may sometimes feel like you’re from different planets rather than the same household, you can likely find some shared interests. Perhaps you generally have different tastes in music, yet you both appreciate The Beatles. It’s important to talk about general topics to explore each other’s preferences and find a bit of common ground. Try discussing:

• Music
• Sports
• Literature
• Television
• Films
• Hobbies
• Activities
• Clothes

Talking to Teens

If you keep the lines of communication open by discussing general matters, it is more likely that your teen will come to you with serious issues that occur during development. Positive communication behavior instituted when he was younger enables him to speak with you as needed.

Your Culture and Values

It’s important that your adolescent knows where you stand on important, decisive issues. Realize that your teenager may see things differently in spite of, or because of, their upbringing and outside influences. While major issues must always be discussed in any type of parenting relationship, realize that they may become areas of strife between you. It is healthy for a child to develop his own views and beliefs as long as he does so safely. Sometimes it is best to simply provide positive examples rather than forcing your teen to attend certain activities or follow positive patterns.

Examples include:

• Vote
• Attend (or refrain from attending) religious service
• Manage a marriage/relationship
• Balance the checkbook and budget money
• Set and work toward accomplishing goals
• Time Management
• Balance work life with family/social life

By doing some of these activities in sight of your adolescent, you provide examples for him to consider in the development of his own personality. This method of parenting teens is passive and should not cause tension in your parent-child relationship.

Big Issues in Parenting Teens

Larger issues will always exist, regardless of whether your young adult has to confront them during these awkward years or later on. Know where you stand on these issues and make it known that you are open to discussing them.

• Sex, relationships, and birth control
• Education
• Drugs and alcohol
• Friends, cliques, and peers
• Online and offline safety
• Other social issues

Parenting Troubled Teens

Aside from the development of their own identity, adolescents face a great deal of peer pressure. Their bodies are also changing, and their hormones can produce mood swings. All of this is completely typical in development. However, it’s important to be aware of any deeper issues affecting your teenager. Be aware of signs of:

• Depression
• Drug or alcohol abuse
• Delinquency
• Health problems/eating disorders

Usually, these larger problems have indicators that can be corrected. Still, some young adults may require additional help despite your guidance. Consider seeking medical and professional help in these instances.

Trust

One of the hardest things involved in parenting a teen is learning to trust them and approve of their new found independence. It’s important to offer trust when appropriate, and let him know that you are agreeing to a request because you trust him.

Express Approval

You know you are proud of your child, but amidst his active life, does he know? Your teen has probably developed wonderful talents or skills in part because you have encouraged him. Perhaps the same kid that produced a scribble hung on the refrigerator is now producing engaging art for graphic novels. It’s important for you to acknowledge these developing talent and interests as they provide a person in general with a sense of self-accomplishment. Expressing to your child what you enjoy about him will allow your teen to further his talent or skill.

Privileges and Responsibilities

Along with trust and approval comes the privileges and responsibilities associated with coming of age. Your teen also needs a realistic sense of what it is like to be an adult in society—bills and payments included. Explain that driving, for example, is a privilege, and for it, one has the responsibility of maintaining car insurance and payments.

Limitations

At times, you must also set limits. While it’s good to reward positive behavior, never allow yourself to be pushed into agreeing to ridiculous demands. It may be acceptable to extend a curfew for one night because of recent good behavior, but that doesn’t mean it’s a permanent extension.

Resources

Look towards these resources to help you in your parenting duties.

• Books
• Parents or parental figures
• Friends
• Personal journals from teenage years
• Family members
• Online parenting teen support groups
• Community support groups
• School guidance counselor and teachers

Online Resources

• Focus Adolescent Services
• AdoptionIssues.org – For parents of adopted children
• Teenagers Today
• Parenting Troubled Teens
• Adolescent Nutrition

Written by Tara Meacham