Questions About College

Instructions

To ask the Team your own questions, simply use the comment field below. Then check back shortly to find your answers within this article.

Current Questions

Dear Team,

I just started college this Fall. It seems like my life has completely changed: new city, new friends, taking classes I am truly interested in, freedom, etc.

My parents came to visit for "Parents Weekend" and I feel like two worlds have collided. I feel like I have started a new, (almost) adult life and my parents continue to treat me like a kid under their roof. They are critical of my sleeping habits and what I'm wearing. They want to know my every move. What gives?

I'm thinking ahead to winter break and cannot imagine coming home to four weeks of being treated like a kid. What's a girl to do? ~~Suzanne

Advice from Melissa

Hi Suzanne:

It’s very normal for you to be enjoying your independence and freedom. It’s part of the process of becoming an adult. Frankly, college is one of those great times in your life where often you have many of the privileges of adulthood, but not necessarily all of the responsibilities. Your interpretation of parents nagging is most likely just their genuine interest, and concern—remember, they miss you and just want the best for you. Count your blessings---the fact they allowed you to go away to college (not all parents do) and are probably contributing financially (not all parents are in a position to help their children) on some levels should give you some perspective and appreciation. Try not to be snappy when they criticize…think of something funny to yourself, and ignore their critiques. You can also agree to whatever they say, and then do your own thing when they leave (although, I promise you when you are older, you will think back and realize your parents were probably right about many things they suggested, but you won’t appreciate that for a while). In terms of coming home for winter break—there are some compromises you can make. You can get out of the house and either work part –time (showing maturity and willingness to financially contribute to your education, a very adult thing to do) or volunteer for a charity part-time. Both options are beneficial to you personally and professionally.

Talk to your parents and establish some guidelines (calmly) so you all manage expectations about balancing time with family, time with friends, and time for yourself. Whatever you do, don’t blow them off completely. And never stay out too late without at least letting them know you are ok. It’s rude and shows immaturity and selfishness. Offer to help a bit around the house, spend some quality time with them, and it won’t be as bad as you think. My late mother used to say to me: You’ll appreciate me…when I’m dead. And sadly, it’s true. I wish I would have been more respectful to her, especially now that I have my own teenage daughter and could benefit from her wisdom.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Hi Suzanne:

Oh man, that sucks. They're probably suffering from some serious empty nest syndrome now that you're all grown up and gone, and so they are asserting their authority over you and acting super-parental (and annoying) to compensate. Give them a little break and make sure they know you still wuvvv them and all of that. Then, make sure you let them see how responsible you are and calmly negotiate your rights. And don't let them put you down, either. But make sure to choose your battles (discussions!) carefully, or you guys will be fighting all the time. Sometimes you have to just let things slide. Its the mature thing to do. After all, no matter what they do or say, you're going to go back to college in spring and do whatever you want. (Cue maniacal laughter).

So, just repeat that to yourself every time your mother corrects your posture and wakes you up at 9 AM on a Saturday and yells at you for leaving towels on the floor. They can take yer curfew, but they can’t take...YOUR FREEEEDOM.

~~Katie

I am feeling a lot of pressure from my parents to do well in school. I do ok, but I am not the smartest kid around. I want to do well, but some of it is too hard and I struggle. When I talk to my parents, they tell me to just do my best, but I know that they want me to be a great success. I don't think I am dealing with the pressure very well. How can I do well and not be so stressed out? ~~Jennifer

Advice from Melissa

Hi Jennifer:

Parents want you to do well, because they want the best opportunities for you and because they love you. It sounds as if the pressure is coming mostly from your own expectations (given their response to "just try your best").

First of all, some kids are late bloomers, hitting their personal, academic, or professional stride at a later point in their life. That’s ok. Really. If you honestly think you could be doing better in school, and need help doing so, ask for tutors, or go to your schools’ national honor society, or to your teachers—there are options for you. Most importantly in this discussion though, is how you feel about yourself. Sometimes talking to someone who is not so emotionally attached to you (a school counselor, a professional therapist) can be really helpful in sorting out your feelings and expectations. There’s no shame in reaching out, its one of the healthier things you can do. You can ask your school counselor for referrals (it’s all confidential). It sounds like your parents would support you as well, so you may want to discuss with them. Hang in there!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Hi Jennifer:

Make sure they SEE how hard you are working, so that no matter what your grades are, they know you’re doing your best. If you really need extra help, see if you can get a tutor.

~~Katie

I'm 12 and in 7th grade, but my parents are ragging on me about college already. Do I really have to worry so early? ~~Samantha

Advice from Melissa

Hi Samantha:

Your parents only have your best interest at heart. Although you don’t technically need to worry quite so young, it is important and wise to start some preliminary planning. For example, if you take a foreign language in 7th grade and continue with that language all the way through high school, most likely you’ll be in honor or advanced placement classes. Colleges look for honors and high achievement coursework. Additionally, establishing good study habits and grades now, will make the transition to high school easier (when your grades and academic record are reviewed by colleges).

You can always ask your school counselor and parents to have a meeting with you to start initial planning. It will show maturity on your part. No need to stress, but advanced planning will save you a lot of worry later on!!!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Hi Samantha:

Should you be worrying? No.

Should you be thinking about college? Maybe.

On the one hand, your middle school grades will not affect your college. (Don’t believe what The Man tells you, there is no such thing as a ‘permanent record’.) That being said, if you do well in middle school, you'll start high school in Honors classes that WILL affect college (in a good way, obv). Don’t freak out, but keep that in mind. You don’t HAVE to look at colleges, but it couldn’t hurt to start poking around and see what kind of schools you’re interested in, so that you know what you’re dealing with.

Granted, this is coming from a girl whose parents took her to Boston and put her on the freshman introductory tour at Harvard when she was EIGHT YEARS OLD.

To sum up: Don’t freak out! If you screw up, middle school is the time. But don’t blow everything off either.

PS: Freshman and sophomore year of high school TOTALLY count.

~~Katie.