Questions on Parenting Teens

Parenting teens can be a challenging experience. Teens are just beginning to flex their independence muscles, date, face new challenges in school and more. If you have a question about parenting your teen, Ask the Teen Team for perspective from a parent as well as a teen!

To ask the Team your own questions, simply use the comment field below. Then check back shortly to find your answers within this article.

My daughter is a freshman in high school. School has been in session for 4 weeks. On about week 2, all of the girls had "boyfriends" and they were "going out." (Not actually going anywhere.) Last week, most couples broke up. My daughter now likes a boy who was "going with" one of her friends for 2 weeks. It is causing major drama, and I'm not sure where or when this rule about dating your friends ex's start. All of these kids just met . . . each couple was together less than two weeks. Is it or would it be wrong for my daughter to "go with" her friends ex? ~~Lisa

Dear Lisa:

Don't you just wish you were back in your freshman year of high school?

NOT.

OK, you obviously see the weirdness of the term "going with." It can be defined as a temporary state of loosely "being attached" to someone with whom you find attractive. It wreaks havoc and causes way too much drama, as you have observed. However, general rule of thumb, since your daughter just started high school, and girls (see the film "MEAN GIRLS") can be quite cutting, my advice is to tell her to wait a good while before mentioning her crush on her friends current "going with guy du jour." By then, her friend may have changed guy crushes, or your daughter may have developed an entirely new one. Your daughter has to be very careful at this early stage of entering high school or she will be backstabbed.

General rule of thumb: loyalty to girlfriends first. However, she will need to discuss (her crush) with her girlfriend before proceeding no matter what. It’s kind of an unspoken rule. You can show her this post, and maybe it will have some influence if she doesn't take advice well from "mom."

~~Melissa

Dear Lisa,

When you're a freshman in high school, a two week relationship can pack enough post-break up drama to last until graduation. That being said, it doesn't always have to be a big deal: all that your daughter has to do is talk to her friend first, and make sure that everything's okay. Now, even if the ex-girlfriend has a problem with your daughter dating this boy, if she gives your kid the go-ahead, then she can totally date him. I'm guessing, though, that the ex-girlfriend will resent your daughter at least a little bit, because she'll be jealous (especially if the ex-girlfriend was the one who got dumped). Make sure your daughter realizes that anytime you date a friend's ex, you are risking jeopardizing your friendship. Communication is key: your daughter HAS to talk to her friend about it. If the ex-girl still has any feelings for her ex-boy, your daughter should give it a little more time. If both parties have moved on though, I don't see why it can't happen.

Love,

Katie

Dear Teen Team, My 17yr old daughter and I have been having issues with texting lately. I think that she should not be texting/IM while she is doing her homework, unless it is directly related to her homework. She disagrees and says I am unreasonable and unfair. I only ask that she keep her phone off until her homework is complete, then she can text away. I believe it is a huge distraction, and that a little more focus will lead to better results, and better management of her time. Recently, it seems to take her on average 4-5 hours a day to do her homework, with no restrictions on the text thing. I took her phone the other day and miraculously it took about 1 and 1/2 hours to complete all homework. Do you think I am doing the right thing? By the way, her grades are very good(high B's and a few A's), however a little more diligence could raise them that extra little bit. She is also in danger of losing her spot in NHS if she falls below the required GPA. Thanks, Karen

Hi Karen:

I completely understand your dilemma. It's a common argument with parents and teens, with all the hi tech, multi tasking activities and socializing that is so different than when we were growing up. (Uh oh, I hear that line from the musical Bye Bye Birdie in my head...Kids, what's wrong with those kids today?) Here's the bottom line. First, if your daughter was a straight A or mostly all A student and NOT in jeopardy of losing her spot on the honor society, then she may have some wiggle room for her point of view. But she's not living up to her academic expectations right now... hers or yours, is she?

Second, truly, when you have multi distractions, the TYPE of learning changes -- too many studies indicate that a quiet place of studying, without a barrage of distractions is much better for internalizing and really understanding concepts. Taking 4-5 hours to do homework every day is too long. It’s probably interfering with her sleep habits, other responsibilities (work, chores) and not conducive to really understanding her homework assignments.

Your daughter will be going to college soon, and she will have to make her own choices about how and when, and if, she studies. That's a conversation you two need to have, that doesn't involve discipline, yelling or emotion. A "let's go to lunch and try to talk rationally as two mature people and chat" lunch. She needs to have "buy in" and input in that conversation. She probably knows she's capable of doing better in school. In fact, shutting down her social life for a couple hours a day to really do her homework, is probably better for her social life in the long run--in that she can get her work, chores, and whatever else is needed, (sleep!) done in a shorter amount of time, and then can have a more relaxed, fun experience hanging out or texting or IM'ing her friends. For now, taking the phone while she does her schoolwork seems to be working and she’ll get over being upset about it.

~~Melissa

Hi Karen:

Carry on, I see no problem here with your taking her phone if she’s not making the grades. Fair warning, though, she'll probably just replace texting with IMing. Kids today, I tell you.

~~Katie

• Eighth Grade Outfits
• Questions About Teen Fashion
• Teen Fashion Trends

• Mother and Daughter Relationships
• Questions About Family Problems
• Questions About Relationships
• Questions About Sex and Dating
• Teen Crushes
• Will He Ever Call?
• Your First Kiss

• Questions About College
• Questions About Homecoming
• Should You Date a Teacher?

• Teen Health and Beauty

• Punk Models
• Bullying Statistics
• Teenage Girls Bedrooms
• Teen Love Test
• What Is The Best Prom Dress For You?

• Average Height and Weight for Teenager
• Text Message Symbols
• Teen Clothing Stores
• Hot Teen Clothing Brands
• Creative Ways to Ask a Girl to Prom

• Questions About Family Problems
• Questions About College
• Questions About Teen Fashion
• Questions About Sex and Dating
• Questions About Relationships