Questions on Parenting Teens

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To ask the Team your own questions, simply use the comment field below. Then check back shortly to find your answers within this article.

Current Questions

Dear Teen Team, My 17yr old daughter and I have been having issues with texting lately. I think that she should not be texting/IM while she is doing her homework, unless it is directly related to her homework. She disagrees and says I am unreasonable and unfair. I only ask that she keep her phone off until her homework is complete, then she can text away. I believe it is a huge distraction, and that a little more focus will lead to better results, and better management of her time. Recently, it seems to take her on average 4-5 hours a day to do her homework, with no restrictions on the text thing. I took her phone the other day and miraculously it took about 1 and 1/2 hours to complete all homework. Do you think I am doing the right thing? By the way, her grades are very good(high B's and a few A's), however a little more diligence could raise them that extra little bit. She is also in danger of losing her spot in NHS if she falls below the required GPA. Thanks, Karen

Advice from Melissa

Hi Karen:

I completely understand your dilemma. It's a common argument with parents and teens, with all the hi tech, multi tasking activities and socializing that is so different than when we were growing up. (Uh oh, I hear that line from the musical Bye Bye Birdie in my head...Kids, what's wrong with those kids today?) Here's the bottom line. First, if your daughter was a straight A or mostly all A student and NOT in jeopardy of losing her spot on the honor society, then she may have some wiggle room for her point of view. But she's not living up to her academic expectations right now... hers or yours, is she?

Second, truly, when you have multi distractions, the TYPE of learning changes -- too many studies indicate that a quiet place of studying, without a barrage of distractions is much better for internalizing and really understanding concepts. Taking 4-5 hours to do homework every day is too long. It’s probably interfering with her sleep habits, other responsibilities (work, chores) and not conducive to really understanding her homework assignments.

Your daughter will be going to college soon, and she will have to make her own choices about how and when, and if, she studies. That's a conversation you two need to have, that doesn't involve discipline, yelling or emotion. A "let's go to lunch and try to talk rationally as two mature people and chat" lunch. She needs to have "buy in" and input in that conversation. She probably knows she's capable of doing better in school. In fact, shutting down her social life for a couple hours a day to really do her homework, is probably better for her social life in the long run--in that she can get her work, chores, and whatever else is needed, (sleep!) done in a shorter amount of time, and then can have a more relaxed, fun experience hanging out or texting or IM'ing her friends. For now, taking the phone while she does her schoolwork seems to be working and she’ll get over being upset about it.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Hi Karen:

Carry on, I see no problem here with your taking her phone if she’s not making the grades. Fair warning, though, she'll probably just replace texting with IMing. Kids today, I tell you.

~~Katie

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