Teen Crush Help

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Current Questions

I'm 17 and I’m out of high school. I have known this guy for three years and we have been friends. We started dating the end on November and it was going good till after Christmas. He is so sweet, caring, and everything I could ask for in a guy. We have been fighting a lot and were both tired of it. He’s my first love; I’m his first love. We want to be together, but he gets mad and I get mad easily and that’s kind of getting in the way of things. He says he will love me and always will, but right now he wants to take a break for a couple of days and its just hurting me when he said that. I can’t sleep at all at nights cause its all I think about. I could really use your advice on this and on what I should do because I have not clue my heart tells me one things and my mind is telling me the other and its confusing me big time... should I leave him before I get left or should I stick it out?? ~~Shaella

Advice from Melissa

Dear Shaella:

First loves are so intense. It sounds like you guys might be going through what every couple goes through at some point...a change, a growth spurt. Sometimes with those changes and growth, couples realize they need to move on to other people, and sometimes, it just means each person needs a little bit of solo time to think, and appreciate what the other person means. Sometimes, it may mean that someone else has entered the picture, and the boyfriend, or girlfriend are too nice to say it for fear of being hurtful. Either way, the best thing to do right now is give your guy his space. Let go for a bit. And find a TON of distractions so you don't obsess during your time apart. Use this solo time to hang out more with girlfriends, exercise more, get a mani/pedi, and be good to yourself. Don't call him, or try to hang out with. Let HIM miss you. If you can't sleep, a cup of warm milk, a nice bath, and/ or valerium root (you can get at your local drugstore) help. This may mean you both move on and remain friends (after you've had some space) and it may mean that he loves you dearly, can't live without you, but just needed some time to realize that. Good luck.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Dear Shaella:

You need to let him take a break. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, remember? Your relationship is a partnership and even though he wants to take a break and that hurts…it may be what he needs to do, and you have to respect that. At least he’s trying to make it work. Stick it out…it’s only a few days. Give him some space. Don’t smother him. He’ll probably come running back.

And if he’s using the “take a break” line as a sneaky way of dumping you then he’s a weasel and you don’t need him anyway.

~~Katie

Dear Melissa and Katie, I have a couple of questions, but first let me tell you a little about myself. I'm 14 and a freshman in high school. I am very cautious when it comes to guys and very picky. Ok. Well, I have a crush on 3 guys. The first is extremely cute and seems really nice, from what I know. The problem is I've never really have had a conversation with him before and he already knows I like him. The second guy isn't really that cute, but has a great sense of humor and is really sweet. The third well... he is known for breaking up with a girl after about a week and hooking up with someone else the next day, but I've talked to him before and he's really funny, kinda sweet and extremely hot! Another thing is he likes one of my best friends and she likes him back. I really don't know who to chose it seems like they all like me because they constantly stare. Then, there is the whole problem with one of my best guy friends liking me. Just today he asked a friend of mine if I liked him and she didn't say anything. I really don't want for him to ask me to the semi-formal and me have to say no, but I'm scared if I say no he won't be my friend anymore. And lastly, the semi-formal. My mom said I can't go without a date. The fact is I don't know if I should wait for one of the three guys to ask me or if I should ask one of them....and which one to ask. How do I know which guy truly likes me? How do I chose between them? What should I say to my best guy friend? And what do I do about the Semi-formal? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!! ~~Katherine

Advice from Melissa

Dear Katherine:

So let me get this straight. 3 Guys. Guy 1 Cute and Nice, but you don't know him well, Guy 2 Sweet, Funny, but you don't think that he’s particularly cute, Guy 3 sounds like a Casanova--he’ll only end up hurting you as he’s constantly on the make with the next best thing, and then the BFF who likes you, because you don't like him that way.

Ok--first, cross off Guy 3, because he's a player, and sounds like he'd be the first one to hurt you.

Guy 1, get to know him better, if you haven't had a convo with him, now is the time.

Guy 2, sounds awesome as well, but if you aren't really attracted him, don't go down that road, because you'll end up hurting his feelings, and that's not cool. Just remember, looks aren’t everything though!

Best Friend. He's a SAFE choice for the formal; you can go "as friends." Your mom will approve, you know you'll dance a lot and have fun and not feel any pressure. The problem is, he likes you in a different way than you like him. So unless you have that awkward conversation, (I really like you as a friend, but nothing more right now) then it wouldn't be right for you to go with him under false pretenses.

So that leaves you back to Guy #1--now is the time to spend your efforts trying to find out more about him, hang out, and see if he's the right guy for you. GOOD LUCK

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Katherine,

Go and ask the second one… although admittedly the third one sounds interesting. Go with your gut: misunderstood Breakfast Club rebel or genuine creepy manskank?

Don’t worry about the first one until you know him better. Ask the second or the third. If you don’t want to ask you can try some blatant hinting: “Oh man, My mom won’t let me go to the dance if I don’t have a date, what should I do?”

If he says no, why don’t you go to the semi-formal with your guy friend AS FRIENDS. He can be your platonic date. And once you get to the dance you can dance with lots of people. And boo on your mom for being so ridiculously old fashioned.

Seriously, this isn’t the fifties.

~~Katie

Alrighty. I’m 13, and I’m midway through 8th grade. There's this guy who I like (no duh) who is super cute and nice. He's friends with everyone! Even the snobby girls- who change personalities when he's around (if we date, that might be an advantage!!). Obviously, he's popular, and lots of girls like him. But sometimes, he smiles towards me, and he acts sort of clumsy around me. It might be just me imagining it though. But he was also interested in what I was writing to my friends when we sat next to each other (my friends and I write BUNCHES of notes). Still, I don’t know if I really like him, or if it's just the attraction-, which isn't good. INLCUDING I’m super shy (if we do go out, it'll be my 1st date OMG). Another thing is that he's as cool as my brother. Really, they both play guitar, same clothes, SUPER funny, and are popular. My bro and I have the same personalities, and to me he does too, kinda. Should I go for it?? ~~ShyFactor

Advice from Melissa

Dear Paula:

It sounds like this guy is really fun and nice, and there's no reason why you shouldn't go for it. That being said, there's lots of reasons to go slowly, and develop a "friend boy" relationship first. As you know, boys your age can be a little prickly. So, the more you get to know him one-on-one, the more comfortable you both will feel about possible taking the relationship to the next level. Even if he doesn't respond the way you want him to at first, if you stay cool and friendly, it can always lead to something later. Good luck!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Paula,

Yes, you should go for it- as long as you’re sure you like him. I see no problem here. You seem to like him for more than just his looks. Full speed ahead.

~~Katie

Dear Melissa and Katie, Here's my story: Love this guy with all my heart, which is funny because when I first met him, I hated his guts. I found out we had a lot in common and I don't mean just the normal stuff, he sees life the way I do but embraces it in a different way and that makes me look up to him. He tries his best even when he fails; he has a good soul and helps people whenever he can. Not to mention he can make me laugh until I cry. But he has a girlfriend. So I tried NOT loving him anymore, I found out I can't. I can't stop thinking about him even though it hurts to think about him.

I don't want to ask him out directly because honestly that is not how it works where I live, I mean, it'll be awkward between us if he says no, and I can't stand that thought. I also don't want to sit here doing nothing. I tried to get over him but can't. Please help. ~~Feeling Down

Advice from Melissa

Dear Feeling Down:

If he has a girlfriend, you can’t interfere right now. It’s not cool. So for now, you’ll have to be satisfied with just being his friend. You can be nice, small, be friendly, but anything above that, crosses the line of girls encroaching on other girls. And that breaks a code of sisterhood. Over time, he may break up with this girl, and then you will be free to pursue him till your hearts content. Just take care to look good, be nice, be classy, and be a friend. It will all work out.

~~Melissa

There is this guy I like at school how can I tell if he likes me? ~~Ashley M.

Advice from Melissa

Ashley:

If he makes eye contact, smiles a lot, acts interested by talking to you, or making jokes with you, then there’s a good chance he likes you. If he totally ignores you and acts like a jerk around you, then he’s an idiot, and let it go.

~~Melissa

So here's the thing: I've been secretly in love with my ex-best friend, Reid S, for over 6 years now. I told him 2 years ago, but he rejected me... and not in a nice way. I think that that's why we stopped being best friends forever. Shortly after, I went moved away and started middle school. I've told my friends that still go to his school that I'm over him... but I feel like I'm only half over him... because I'll still fantasize and dream about him. But, ever since last year, I started REALLY liking this guy in my class, Nick. He keeps on seeming to like me, but every one says that it's just my imagination... what do I do? Every day, my feelings for Nick grow stronger... I think that I'm in love. But how can I tell him? I've had a constant crush on him ever since I started middle school middle school, but I'm probably the shyest, bookworm in the class! Also, some of my friends have crushes on Nick, too, but they say that it's for his looks. Actually, it wasn't until we had this connecting conversation almost 2 years ago that I started to like him. He seems to be everywhere that I go, and I want to ask him out, except that my parents are REALLY strict when it comes to that? I think that I'm in love ... but I don't want to get hurt...again. ~~Hannah

Advice from Melissa

Hi Hanna:

First, Reid is a jerk for not being nice about rejecting you. There are classy ways to do this, and he obviously doesn’t have class. Let him go and just forget about it. As for Nick, sounds like you have a major crush. If your parents are really strict, it’s time to sit down with them and ask them what IS ok when it comes to early dating (going in groups, etc). That way, you’ll have a clear sense of what you can do or not do in terms of pursuing this relationship. If they won’t let you date yet, or go out in groups, then you can start a friendship online with Nick, and see him in school and flirt and still have fun that way. You’ll also get a sense of whether or not he likes you back. Over time, your parents will have to give you some level of freedom, otherwise you’ll just end up rebelling and joining a cult (just kidding). Then you can see more of him outside of school, if you find that he feels the same way.

~~Melissa

Hi. There are these 2 boys I really like. But I can't choose between them because they also like me. The first guy is my first love, and the other is my new crush. The 1st guy is not that handsome but his personality and the way he acts makes me really want to like him. While this other guy I like is so handsome and very2x nice!! Huhuhuh... and I can't choose between the two of them because I think I’m in love with them WHAT SHOULD I DO??????? ~~Larae

Advice from Melissa

Hi Larae:

It's ok at your age to like more than one boy at the same time. Your first love sounds like a really great guy though. So whatever you do, don't lead him on and then just dump him for the cutie pie. And to be honest, dating someone just because he/she is hot almost always backfires at some point. However, a lot of people are first attracted to looks when they meet. Once you get to know a person better though, particularly for their true self, "cute " people can suddenly start looking rather toad-like if they are jerks, and "plain" people can become amazingly gorgeous-especially when they are funny, kind and charismatic. Crushes are a normal part of growing up, so my advice is keep your options open, but be truthful so that everyone knows you're not ready to date just one boy at this point in your life.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Larae,

Two boys? Ooer, way to go, Casanova. Unfortunately, you can’t (ethically) date both of them…unless you guys agree to have an open relationship (this way, you can have a whole harem of nubile love slaves!). The thing is, open relationships are tricky and it’s hard for couples not to get jealous and fall apart. So then, you have to choose: Your first boyfriend sounds like a better (read: safer) boyfriend, but hey, you’re young and sassy, and if you’re not satisfied with your relationship you’re not obliged to stick with it. It may be time for you to move on and start dating other people—but if you’re in love with your old boyfriend, then stay with him—and don’t cheat on him! It’s normal to be attracted to other people, just don’t act on it.

~~Katie

I really like this boy. So I decided to tell him and I asked him out. So I'm waiting for the answer for like 4 months and in between these 4 months my feelings for him have been on and off. Just recently I asked him out again. (It seems like every time I ask him out he starts to ignore me and that ***es me off). And now I'm jealous because now he just starts to sit next to this girl who I think he likes and she likes him back. Their signs are Aries and Leo, the most compatible signs. It seems like I will never get a chance to date him. I really want to though I don't know if he feels the same way. What should I do? ~~love him or not?

Advice from Melissa

Dear Love him or not:

Not. He’s obviously not that interested in pursuing any kind of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with you (sorry). There are many fish in the sea, and you don’t need to waste your energy on someone who doesn’t appreciate you. Move on. Let it go.

Advice from Katie

Uh oh. Honeypie, I am sorry to tell you that you have been rejected. He’s being pretty clear: this boy does not want to go out with you. He does not feel the same way: otherwise he’d have said yes when you asked him four months ago! And what’s more, he’s found someone else. Therefore, its time to move on with dignity, keep your chin up, and find someone that’s most compatible with YOUR star sign, not his. Let it go.

~~Katie

This is a really long story, but I'll just make it short: There's a boy I like a lot; in fact, I've liked him for 4 years now. We don't live near each other or go to the same school anymore, so I just talk to him on AIM. On AIM, he keeps sending me mixed messages. First, he talks about this girl he has a crush on but then says he would kiss me if he could. I know he liked me in middle school, but I'm not sure if he still does. He's also told me that it was wrong to like two people at once. Does he like me, or not? I can't seem to ask him myself. ~~Anonymous

Advice from Melissa

Dear Anonymous:

I’m not sure this boy even knows (if he likes you!) Sounds like he’s flirting with you, but also toying a bit with your emotions. My advice, since you don’t live nearby or go to the same school, and he openly talks about his other crushes, is to let this be an online fun kind of relationship. Pursue other boys but still be friends with this guy if you want. Maybe one day you will be in a position to see each other more often and develop a more serious relationship. Or, perhaps you can always be like famous couples who wrote romantic letters all of their lives—but that doesn’t sound very fun if you’re a teenager!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Hi Anonymous:

Honestly, I can’t tell you whether he likes you or not. I am not an all-seeing, all-knowing, omnipotent being. You’ve had four years to wonder. The best way to find out is to ask him or just tell him how you feel.

PS: If he talks about a “girl that he has a crush on” but won’t tell you her name it's probably you.

~~Katie

I love my really good friend. I am a boy and she is a girl. We have known each other for a little over 3 years. I think she knows I like her and I think she likes me. When I talk to her it's like I am talking to one of my friends. I love this girl with all my heart but I am too scared to ask her out. I am scared that she will reject me and she will tell all of her friends and I will lose what little popularity I have. She will reject me and doesn't tell all of her friends, but she will not want to be friends anymore, she will say no. We will still be friends, but my friends will not want to be friends with me anymore(because she may be popular, but someone besides me thinks she would make a good girlfriend).

She will say yes, but I will be scared because it would be my first girlfriend and my first date (which is pathetic because I am 13). And I will freeze up on our date, or if she says yes and we kiss but I don't know how to be a good kisser (because it will be my first kiss) and we will be a good couple. But when we break up (which will probably happen after a short, long, or good time) and she won't want to be friends anymore and all of the above will happen all at once! I need help badly. I am 13 and she is 13 but she is turning 14 in March when I just turned 13 December 7. Please help. Also can you please tell me what are the signs of a girl liking me. (If you need to know, she is shy to guys sometimes). Please help me soon! Thanks!!! ~~Joseph

Advice from Melissa

Hi Joseph:

You’re only 13, so don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re over thinking this whole thing and not going with the flow. You have plenty of time to date many girls, experience crushes, and fall madly in love,. If you really feel strongly about this person, the only way to know more is to take a risk and ask her out. You can start off in groups so it’s a little easier, and you can also see how she is online when you chat/flirt etc. (less risk). But you’ll never know unless you ask.

If this girl does want to be your girlfriend, great! You got what you wanted. In terms of your being shy/scared about the physical stuff—that’s OK and NORMAL. Just go slow and don’t feel pressured to do anything you are not ready to do. In terms of first kiss, she’ll either guide you and that will be fun, or it may be her first kiss too. Enjoy the moment and don’t think too much. It will all turn out ok!!

Worst case scenario, let’s say she does reject you (nicely). You can STILL be friends, but you will need to be able to have some time/space away from her for a while, that’s all. If she rejects you and makes fun of you or does hurtful things like blabbing around the school however, she’s not worth your heart or effort and I say move on. Now take a deep breath, have confidence, and go for it.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Joseph! Not having your first date by the time you're 13 is NOT pathetic, at all. If you were 31, it'd be another story. But you're FINE. My suggestion is to start asking her to hang out, alone, outside of school before you "ask her out". It's kind of like dating, but you don't have to call it that and you're less likely to be rejected. The more comfortable you are with her in dating-like situations, the easier it will be to make your move.

~~Katie

I think I might like my best friend. Again. I had a crush on him before and then I told him and he did not feel then same way. He was really nice about it though. And then we started becoming even better friends then we already were. Even though he knew I liked him he never made our friendship different because of it and things were never weird. Eventually I made my self get over him because I knew it would never be anything more then a friendship.

Now, we hang out all the time. we go see movies together and hang out at each others houses. Sometimes I start feeling like I still really like him.

I know he does not like me like that because he would tell me if he did because that is just the kind of relationship we have. I find myself thinking about him alot. It hurts sometimes because I know he does not like me. When we talk, I get jealous when he talks about the girls he likes.

What can I do? Is there any other answer other then get over it... because I have tried that, it didn't work out like I planned. ~~Rebecca

Advice from Melissa

Dear Rebecca,

I just answered a similar question from a guy who is going through the same thing. Too bad I can’t introduce you two! Yes, It’s the making of many great movies and novels. It’s not unusual to have stronger feelings for a friend but not have it reciprocated. However, you can’t force feelings and for now, just move on and give yourself some time and space. Be strong, and be open to the possibility of true love with another. You can still be buds with this boy---but in the short term, stay busy doing other things with other people so you can get your mind off him and not have to listen to him pine away about other girls. Retail therapy, good friends, funny movies, volunteering, staying active, working out, all will help. Time and space. Good Luck!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Dear Rebecca,

Unfortunately, there isnt anything you can do but get over it. I'm sorry, I know it hurts. And the way you can get over it is to get away from him. Don't go to his house, don't invite him to yours. If going to the movies is unavoidable, bring a group. And don't sit by him. He is not the be-all, end-all. Date other boys. And watch the 3rd season of Dr Who, because I am officially naming this situation "Martha Jones Syndrome."

~~Katie