Teen Crushes

Instructions

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Current Questions

This guy showed me that he liked me last year, and now that I've fallen for him, but I don't know how to act normal around him anymore. He just walks in the hallways when I see him without a care in the world. It's like he just stopped liking me or he doesn't care about me anymore, but when I went to my classroom he seemed interested in what class I was going to, since we don't have anymore classes together. He looked in my class to see if I was in there, but he acts like he does not care when we are face to face, walking past each other in the hallways. Should I say hi to let him know how I feel about him, because I know that he has been wondering if I like him. I have not exactly flirted with him, because I don't want to be hurt, but I have been polite to him. For instance when he stared at me I stared back at him, and when he helped me on a project I said thank you. How do I show him I care without getting nervous and frustrated. ~~Rose

Advice from Melissa

Dear Rose:

Well, I’m not sure what you mean by this guy “showed” that he liked you. Usually, this means he talks with you a lot, tries to hangout, calls or chats online, and smiles a lot. The flip side is that some guys are just obnoxious flirts, and there’s nothing more to that. So here’s my advice—it’s fine to say hi, and start a conversation and test the waters, but if he still acts like he doesn’t care, or ignores you most the time, then he’s kind of a jerk and I wouldn’t waste your time with him. You deserve someone who will treat you nice and not play games.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Rose,

What do you mean he "showed you" he liked you? Did he tell you or was he just flirting? Because sometimes, flirting is just flirting and it doesn't go anywhere or mean anything. Doesn't that suck?

You should start talking again, and don't be afraid to flirt a little if you still like him. It's a good way to test the waters, and see if he flirts back. If he doesn't, then he's a loser and he's either changed his mind (guys, attention spans like small insects, I tell you what) or he was only just flirting to begin with.

It sounds like he likes you, though, so take heart.

~~Katie

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Okay! I am 12, my b-day is next month and Valentines day is in a few days. I have a friend(boy) and we hanged out last year a lot! The more I hanged out with him the more I started to like him! This year we didn't even say hi to each other once. I found out last month he hanged out with these guys I think that are bratty..I know, for a boy! But he's not like that he's nice(to everyone), caring, basically NOT like the guys at my school. I caught him looking at me. I don't know if he likes me? Too shy to talk to me? Should we just be friends? Does he KNOW I like him, is that why he's not talking? Should I make a move? I'm moving this year and I will be in 8th grade in November. I want to tell him but..I cant! HELP! ASAP! ~~Confused

Advice from Melissa

Dear Confused,

Hmm. Well, from what you described, the only way to know for sure, is to get to know him (again). That means you need to start a dialogue somehow—saying hi, talking, asking questions and keep it light. If he responds nicely, and with interest, then that’s a really good sign. You’ll never know by wondering aloud about it. As long as you aren’t too pushy, the worst thing that will happen is you’ll just be friends again, and that won’t be so bad!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Confused,

Ah! Welcome to teenagerdom! It's only going to get more confusing from here. Maybe you should talk to him first- you know, start saying hi to each other again and rebuilding the relationship that you had last year before you decide whether or not you should date now.

If you're not talking and just exchanging nervous glances, you'll never know.

~~Katie

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I'm 17 and I’m out of high school. I have known this guy for three years and we have been friends. We started dating the end on November and it was going good till after Christmas. He is so sweet, caring, and everything I could ask for in a guy. We have been fighting a lot and were both tired of it. He’s my first love; I’m his first love. We want to be together, but he gets mad and I get mad easily and that’s kind of getting in the way of things. He says he will love me and always will, but right now he wants to take a break for a couple of days and its just hurting me when he said that. I can’t sleep at all at nights cause its all I think about. I could really use your advice on this and on what I should do because I have not clue my heart tells me one things and my mind is telling me the other and its confusing me big time... should I leave him before I get left or should I stick it out?? ~~Shaella

Advice from Melissa

Dear Shaella:

First loves are so intense. It sounds like you guys might be going through what every couple goes through at some point...a change, a growth spurt. Sometimes with those changes and growth, couples realize they need to move on to other people, and sometimes, it just means each person needs a little bit of solo time to think, and appreciate what the other person means. Sometimes, it may mean that someone else has entered the picture, and the boyfriend, or girlfriend are too nice to say it for fear of being hurtful. Either way, the best thing to do right now is give your guy his space. Let go for a bit. And find a TON of distractions so you don't obsess during your time apart. Use this solo time to hang out more with girlfriends, exercise more, get a mani/pedi, and be good to yourself. Don't call him, or try to hang out with. Let HIM miss you. If you can't sleep, a cup of warm milk, a nice bath, and/ or valerium root (you can get at your local drugstore) help. This may mean you both move on and remain friends (after you've had some space) and it may mean that he loves you dearly, can't live without you, but just needed some time to realize that. Good luck.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Dear Shaella:

You need to let him take a break. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, remember? Your relationship is a partnership and even though he wants to take a break and that hurts…it may be what he needs to do, and you have to respect that. At least he’s trying to make it work. Stick it out…it’s only a few days. Give him some space. Don’t smother him. He’ll probably come running back.

And if he’s using the “take a break” line as a sneaky way of dumping you then he’s a weasel and you don’t need him anyway.

~~Katie

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Dear Melissa and Katie, I have a couple of questions, but first let me tell you a little about myself. I'm 14 and a freshman in high school. I am very cautious when it comes to guys and very picky. Ok. Well, I have a crush on 3 guys. The first is extremely cute and seems really nice, from what I know. The problem is I've never really have had a conversation with him before and he already knows I like him. The second guy isn't really that cute, but has a great sense of humor and is really sweet. The third well... he is known for breaking up with a girl after about a week and hooking up with someone else the next day, but I've talked to him before and he's really funny, kinda sweet and extremely hot! Another thing is he likes one of my best friends and she likes him back. I really don't know who to chose it seems like they all like me because they constantly stare. Then, there is the whole problem with one of my best guy friends liking me. Just today he asked a friend of mine if I liked him and she didn't say anything. I really don't want for him to ask me to the semi-formal and me have to say no, but I'm scared if I say no he won't be my friend anymore. And lastly, the semi-formal. My mom said I can't go without a date. The fact is I don't know if I should wait for one of the three guys to ask me or if I should ask one of them....and which one to ask. How do I know which guy truly likes me? How do I chose between them? What should I say to my best guy friend? And what do I do about the Semi-formal? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!! ~~Katherine

Advice from Melissa

Dear Katherine:

So let me get this straight. 3 Guys. Guy 1 Cute and Nice, but you don't know him well, Guy 2 Sweet, Funny, but you don't think that he’s particularly cute, Guy 3 sounds like a Casanova--he’ll only end up hurting you as he’s constantly on the make with the next best thing, and then the BFF who likes you, because you don't like him that way.

Ok--first, cross off Guy 3, because he's a player, and sounds like he'd be the first one to hurt you.

Guy 1, get to know him better, if you haven't had a convo with him, now is the time.

Guy 2, sounds awesome as well, but if you aren't really attracted him, don't go down that road, because you'll end up hurting his feelings, and that's not cool. Just remember, looks aren’t everything though!

Best Friend. He's a SAFE choice for the formal; you can go "as friends." Your mom will approve, you know you'll dance a lot and have fun and not feel any pressure. The problem is, he likes you in a different way than you like him. So unless you have that awkward conversation, (I really like you as a friend, but nothing more right now) then it wouldn't be right for you to go with him under false pretenses.

So that leaves you back to Guy #1--now is the time to spend your efforts trying to find out more about him, hang out, and see if he's the right guy for you. GOOD LUCK

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Katherine,

Go and ask the second one… although admittedly the third one sounds interesting. Go with your gut: misunderstood Breakfast Club rebel or genuine creepy manskank?

Don’t worry about the first one until you know him better. Ask the second or the third. If you don’t want to ask you can try some blatant hinting: “Oh man, My mom won’t let me go to the dance if I don’t have a date, what should I do?”

If he says no, why don’t you go to the semi-formal with your guy friend AS FRIENDS. He can be your platonic date. And once you get to the dance you can dance with lots of people. And boo on your mom for being so ridiculously old fashioned.

Seriously, this isn’t the fifties.

~~Katie

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Alrighty. I’m 13, and I’m midway through 8th grade. There's this guy who I like (no duh) who is super cute and nice. He's friends with everyone! Even the snobby girls- who change personalities when he's around (if we date, that might be an advantage!!). Obviously, he's popular, and lots of girls like him. But sometimes, he smiles towards me, and he acts sort of clumsy around me. It might be just me imagining it though. But he was also interested in what I was writing to my friends when we sat next to each other (my friends and I write BUNCHES of notes). Still, I don’t know if I really like him, or if it's just the attraction-, which isn't good. INLCUDING I’m super shy (if we do go out, it'll be my 1st date OMG). Another thing is that he's as cool as my brother. Really, they both play guitar, same clothes, SUPER funny, and are popular. My bro and I have the same personalities, and to me he does too, kinda. Should I go for it?? ~~ShyFactor

Advice from Melissa

Dear Paula:

It sounds like this guy is really fun and nice, and there's no reason why you shouldn't go for it. That being said, there's lots of reasons to go slowly, and develop a "friend boy" relationship first. As you know, boys your age can be a little prickly. So, the more you get to know him one-on-one, the more comfortable you both will feel about possible taking the relationship to the next level. Even if he doesn't respond the way you want him to at first, if you stay cool and friendly, it can always lead to something later. Good luck!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Paula,

Yes, you should go for it- as long as you’re sure you like him. I see no problem here. You seem to like him for more than just his looks. Full speed ahead.

~~Katie

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Dear Melissa and Katie, Here's my story: Love this guy with all my heart, which is funny because when I first met him, I hated his guts. I found out we had a lot in common and I don't mean just the normal stuff, he sees life the way I do but embraces it in a different way and that makes me look up to him. He tries his best even when he fails; he has a good soul and helps people whenever he can. Not to mention he can make me laugh until I cry. But he has a girlfriend. So I tried NOT loving him anymore, I found out I can't. I can't stop thinking about him even though it hurts to think about him.

I don't want to ask him out directly because honestly that is not how it works where I live, I mean, it'll be awkward between us if he says no, and I can't stand that thought. I also don't want to sit here doing nothing. I tried to get over him but can't. Please help. ~~Feeling Down

Advice from Melissa

Dear Feeling Down:

If he has a girlfriend, you can’t interfere right now. It’s not cool. So for now, you’ll have to be satisfied with just being his friend. You can be nice, small, be friendly, but anything above that, crosses the line of girls encroaching on other girls. And that breaks a code of sisterhood. Over time, he may break up with this girl, and then you will be free to pursue him till your hearts content. Just take care to look good, be nice, be classy, and be a friend. It will all work out.

~~Melissa

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There is this guy I like at school how can I tell if he likes me? ~~Ashley M.

Advice from Melissa

Ashley:

If he makes eye contact, smiles a lot, acts interested by talking to you, or making jokes with you, then there’s a good chance he likes you. If he totally ignores you and acts like a jerk around you, then he’s an idiot, and let it go.

~~Melissa

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So here's the thing: I've been secretly in love with my ex-best friend, Reid S, for over 6 years now. I told him 2 years ago, but he rejected me... and not in a nice way. I think that that's why we stopped being best friends forever. Shortly after, I went moved away and started middle school. I've told my friends that still go to his school that I'm over him... but I feel like I'm only half over him... because I'll still fantasize and dream about him. But, ever since last year, I started REALLY liking this guy in my class, Nick. He keeps on seeming to like me, but every one says that it's just my imagination... what do I do? Every day, my feelings for Nick grow stronger... I think that I'm in love. But how can I tell him? I've had a constant crush on him ever since I started middle school middle school, but I'm probably the shyest, bookworm in the class! Also, some of my friends have crushes on Nick, too, but they say that it's for his looks. Actually, it wasn't until we had this connecting conversation almost 2 years ago that I started to like him. He seems to be everywhere that I go, and I want to ask him out, except that my parents are REALLY strict when it comes to that? I think that I'm in love ... but I don't want to get hurt...again. ~~Hannah

Advice from Melissa

Hi Hanna:

First, Reid is a jerk for not being nice about rejecting you. There are classy ways to do this, and he obviously doesn’t have class. Let him go and just forget about it. As for Nick, sounds like you have a major crush. If your parents are really strict, it’s time to sit down with them and ask them what IS ok when it comes to early dating (going in groups, etc). That way, you’ll have a clear sense of what you can do or not do in terms of pursuing this relationship. If they won’t let you date yet, or go out in groups, then you can start a friendship online with Nick, and see him in school and flirt and still have fun that way. You’ll also get a sense of whether or not he likes you back. Over time, your parents will have to give you some level of freedom, otherwise you’ll just end up rebelling and joining a cult (just kidding). Then you can see more of him outside of school, if you find that he feels the same way.

~~Melissa

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Hi. There are these 2 boys I really like. But I can't choose between them because they also like me. The first guy is my first love, and the other is my new crush. The 1st guy is not that handsome but his personality and the way he acts makes me really want to like him. While this other guy I like is so handsome and very2x nice!! Huhuhuh... and I can't choose between the two of them because I think I’m in love with them WHAT SHOULD I DO??????? ~~Larae

Advice from Melissa

Hi Larae:

It's ok at your age to like more than one boy at the same time. Your first love sounds like a really great guy though. So whatever you do, don't lead him on and then just dump him for the cutie pie. And to be honest, dating someone just because he/she is hot almost always backfires at some point. However, a lot of people are first attracted to looks when they meet. Once you get to know a person better though, particularly for their true self, "cute " people can suddenly start looking rather toad-like if they are jerks, and "plain" people can become amazingly gorgeous-especially when they are funny, kind and charismatic. Crushes are a normal part of growing up, so my advice is keep your options open, but be truthful so that everyone knows you're not ready to date just one boy at this point in your life.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Larae,

Two boys? Ooer, way to go, Casanova. Unfortunately, you can’t (ethically) date both of them…unless you guys agree to have an open relationship (this way, you can have a whole harem of nubile love slaves!). The thing is, open relationships are tricky and it’s hard for couples not to get jealous and fall apart. So then, you have to choose: Your first boyfriend sounds like a better (read: safer) boyfriend, but hey, you’re young and sassy, and if you’re not satisfied with your relationship you’re not obliged to stick with it. It may be time for you to move on and start dating other people—but if you’re in love with your old boyfriend, then stay with him—and don’t cheat on him! It’s normal to be attracted to other people, just don’t act on it.

~~Katie

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I really like this boy. So I decided to tell him and I asked him out. So I'm waiting for the answer for like 4 months and in between these 4 months my feelings for him have been on and off. Just recently I asked him out again. (It seems like every time I ask him out he starts to ignore me and that ***es me off). And now I'm jealous because now he just starts to sit next to this girl who I think he likes and she likes him back. Their signs are Aries and Leo, the most compatible signs. It seems like I will never get a chance to date him. I really want to though I don't know if he feels the same way. What should I do? ~~love him or not?

Advice from Melissa

Dear Love him or not:

Not. He’s obviously not that interested in pursuing any kind of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with you (sorry). There are many fish in the sea, and you don’t need to waste your energy on someone who doesn’t appreciate you. Move on. Let it go.

Advice from Katie

Uh oh. Honeypie, I am sorry to tell you that you have been rejected. He’s being pretty clear: this boy does not want to go out with you. He does not feel the same way: otherwise he’d have said yes when you asked him four months ago! And what’s more, he’s found someone else. Therefore, its time to move on with dignity, keep your chin up, and find someone that’s most compatible with YOUR star sign, not his. Let it go.

~~Katie

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This is a really long story, but I'll just make it short: There's a boy I like a lot; in fact, I've liked him for 4 years now. We don't live near each other or go to the same school anymore, so I just talk to him on AIM. On AIM, he keeps sending me mixed messages. First, he talks about this girl he has a crush on but then says he would kiss me if he could. I know he liked me in middle school, but I'm not sure if he still does. He's also told me that it was wrong to like two people at once. Does he like me, or not? I can't seem to ask him myself. ~~Anonymous

Advice from Melissa

Dear Anonymous:

I’m not sure this boy even knows (if he likes you!) Sounds like he’s flirting with you, but also toying a bit with your emotions. My advice, since you don’t live nearby or go to the same school, and he openly talks about his other crushes, is to let this be an online fun kind of relationship. Pursue other boys but still be friends with this guy if you want. Maybe one day you will be in a position to see each other more often and develop a more serious relationship. Or, perhaps you can always be like famous couples who wrote romantic letters all of their lives—but that doesn’t sound very fun if you’re a teenager!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Hi Anonymous:

Honestly, I can’t tell you whether he likes you or not. I am not an all-seeing, all-knowing, omnipotent being. You’ve had four years to wonder. The best way to find out is to ask him or just tell him how you feel.

PS: If he talks about a “girl that he has a crush on” but won’t tell you her name it's probably you.

~~Katie

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I love my really good friend. I am a boy and she is a girl. We have known each other for a little over 3 years. I think she knows I like her and I think she likes me. When I talk to her it's like I am talking to one of my friends. I love this girl with all my heart but I am too scared to ask her out. I am scared that she will reject me and she will tell all of her friends and I will lose what little popularity I have. She will reject me and doesn't tell all of her friends, but she will not want to be friends anymore, she will say no. We will still be friends, but my friends will not want to be friends with me anymore(because she may be popular, but someone besides me thinks she would make a good girlfriend).

She will say yes, but I will be scared because it would be my first girlfriend and my first date (which is pathetic because I am 13). And I will freeze up on our date, or if she says yes and we kiss but I don't know how to be a good kisser (because it will be my first kiss) and we will be a good couple. But when we break up (which will probably happen after a short, long, or good time) and she won't want to be friends anymore and all of the above will happen all at once! I need help badly. I am 13 and she is 13 but she is turning 14 in March when I just turned 13 December 7. Please help. Also can you please tell me what are the signs of a girl liking me. (If you need to know, she is shy to guys sometimes). Please help me soon! Thanks!!! ~~Joseph

Advice from Melissa

Hi Joseph:

You’re only 13, so don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re over thinking this whole thing and not going with the flow. You have plenty of time to date many girls, experience crushes, and fall madly in love,. If you really feel strongly about this person, the only way to know more is to take a risk and ask her out. You can start off in groups so it’s a little easier, and you can also see how she is online when you chat/flirt etc. (less risk). But you’ll never know unless you ask.

If this girl does want to be your girlfriend, great! You got what you wanted. In terms of your being shy/scared about the physical stuff—that’s OK and NORMAL. Just go slow and don’t feel pressured to do anything you are not ready to do. In terms of first kiss, she’ll either guide you and that will be fun, or it may be her first kiss too. Enjoy the moment and don’t think too much. It will all turn out ok!!

Worst case scenario, let’s say she does reject you (nicely). You can STILL be friends, but you will need to be able to have some time/space away from her for a while, that’s all. If she rejects you and makes fun of you or does hurtful things like blabbing around the school however, she’s not worth your heart or effort and I say move on. Now take a deep breath, have confidence, and go for it.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Joseph! Not having your first date by the time you're 13 is NOT pathetic, at all. If you were 31, it'd be another story. But you're FINE. My suggestion is to start asking her to hang out, alone, outside of school before you "ask her out". It's kind of like dating, but you don't have to call it that and you're less likely to be rejected. The more comfortable you are with her in dating-like situations, the easier it will be to make your move.

~~Katie

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I think I might like my best friend. Again. I had a crush on him before and then I told him and he did not feel then same way. He was really nice about it though. And then we started becoming even better friends then we already were. Even though he knew I liked him he never made our friendship different because of it and things were never weird. Eventually I made my self get over him because I knew it would never be anything more then a friendship.

Now, we hang out all the time. we go see movies together and hang out at each others houses. Sometimes I start feeling like I still really like him.

I know he does not like me like that because he would tell me if he did because that is just the kind of relationship we have. I find myself thinking about him alot. It hurts sometimes because I know he does not like me. When we talk, I get jealous when he talks about the girls he likes.

What can I do? Is there any other answer other then get over it... because I have tried that, it didn't work out like I planned. ~~Rebecca

Advice from Melissa

Dear Rebecca,

I just answered a similar question from a guy who is going through the same thing. Too bad I can’t introduce you two! Yes, It’s the making of many great movies and novels. It’s not unusual to have stronger feelings for a friend but not have it reciprocated. However, you can’t force feelings and for now, just move on and give yourself some time and space. Be strong, and be open to the possibility of true love with another. You can still be buds with this boy---but in the short term, stay busy doing other things with other people so you can get your mind off him and not have to listen to him pine away about other girls. Retail therapy, good friends, funny movies, volunteering, staying active, working out, all will help. Time and space. Good Luck!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Dear Rebecca,

Unfortunately, there isnt anything you can do but get over it. I'm sorry, I know it hurts. And the way you can get over it is to get away from him. Don't go to his house, don't invite him to yours. If going to the movies is unavoidable, bring a group. And don't sit by him. He is not the be-all, end-all. Date other boys. And watch the 3rd season of Dr Who, because I am officially naming this situation "Martha Jones Syndrome."

~~Katie

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I like this guy and his sister told me that he likes me. But the thing is he is homeschooled so we wouldn't see each other a lot. Besides that I would go out with him except he is super shy and I'm very outgoing. Any advice? ~~Mallisa

Advice from Melissa

Dear Mallisa:

First, think about why you like him and what you have in common, even though you have different styles (shy vs outgoing). Since he’s shy, I’d start out slowly with this boy and maybe ask to do some kind of group activity first—maybe movies with friends, or sports activities. Ease into things so he’s comfortable getting to know you and your friends. Don’t push too hard or too fast, and see what happens. In terms of him being homeschooled, you could see him on weekends or if his parents know you and say it’s ok, perhaps on occasion during the week. You can also talk via internet and phone, so don’t let that stop you!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Dear Mallisa,

All you'd have to do is make time for him on the weekends and after school. And if he's really shy, then I'd suggest you guys hang out in a group with his friends, or just one-on-one, because I think you with your friends might overwhelm him. And if he's around his friends, it might make him more confident and more likely to come out of his shell.

~~Katie

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I like two boys that attend my church. One of them makes me want to cry because it's like he is not really into me. Sometimes I think we are a couple, but other times I feel neglected, betrayed and played around. The thing is I really like him. The other one seems to be very nice, but the problem is that they are close friends. What should I do??? ~~Gabriella

Advice from Melissa

Dear Gabriella:

Someone who toys with your emotions and makes you cry is not a nice person. There’s an obvious answer here. Why would you want to subject yourself to someone who doesn’t deserve you? Go for the nice guy and don’t worry about the other boy.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Dear Gabriella:

Go with the one that doesn't make you cry or make you feel neglected. The other guy seems like a looooser. He can just deal with it.

~~Katie

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Hey, I study in a university and I have a crush on this guy who studies in the same college, but in a different class. I'm 18 years old and this is my first crush ever. I have always got the guys I want. I have never crushed on a guy before, but this feels diffferent and I haven't spoken to him yet, not even a word. When he comes I just turn my face. What should I do? ~~Sarah

Advice from Melissa

Dear Sarah:

If you want to have a chance at this guy, you’re going to have to at least open the doors and communicate. Say hi, smile, and show you are interested! Since you both are in college, I’m sure you can find something to talk about or ask a question to get a conversation started. Just go for it.

Good luck!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Dear Sarah:

Grit your teeth, gird your loins, and TALK TO HIM. I don't know; ask him directions to some place. Or find out if you have any friends in common and get them to hook you guys up.

PS: Do not actually gird your loins, it's a figure of speech.

~~Katie

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There's this boy that happened to be my seat mate. We weren't close, but now we are already talking and kind of comfortable around each other. He always touches me like in my arms, then in my shoulders. Recently, I found out that he has a girlfriend. However, he still flirts with me. He is always the one who starts to flirt. He even sings in front of me to make me laugh. He has a lovely voice, really. Whenever I'm silent, he would always strike a conversation.Here's another catch, he is so smart that sometimes I feel so dumb in front of him. suck right?

By the way, my friends believe that if he doesn't like me, why would he even bother talking to me, or flirting with me? Do you guys think he likes me? Tina

Advice from Melissa

Dear Tina:

Your crush is not being fair if he’s too flirty/touchy feely with you. You can enjoy the flirtation if you want, but if you were to end up with him, he’s the kind of guy who might do the same to you when you are not around. My advice is to find another guy and let it go.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Hi Tina:

He might like you, but if he has a girlfriend, you need to back off until they break up. I know you like him, but you need to stand your ground and not let some boy turn you into his brazen little side dish. You need to wait until he's willing to make you the main course. You deserve it.

~~Katie

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Hi, I'm nick and I'm a nice guy who likes a certain girl but I'm not sure if she likes me back. For example, she is in my art class and every time I see her I can't stop thinking about her. The reason I think she might like me is because very often she looks at me and stares at me for a little and the minute I look at her she looks away. The reason I'm asking for help is because this has happened before and can't take being rejected by her; she's the girl of my dreams and every time I see her I want to talk to her but can never think of what to say. But the thing that nags at me the most is that I live right next door to her and I can't talk to her because I'd have a nervous breakdown. Every time I see her I always get sweaty palms and get embarrassed. Please help me, I need help on how to approach her and ask her out or even to just get a steady friend to friend relationship with her. Please and thank you. ~~Nick

Advice from Katie

Okay Nick, you know how they say that when you’re nervous you should picture your audience in their underwear?

Yeah, well, don’t do that.

Seriously though, when you say that “This has happened before” do you mean that you’ve been rejected by some previous girl of your dreams? I know that probably hurts, but Nick, look at you now! Alive and in love with someone else! That, if nothing else, has to show you that rejection is not the end of the world.

If you want to get a “friend relationship” going with her (probably a good idea before you ask her out) but you’re too nervous to speak to her—you need to find a way to shut off that inner monologue that goes “Oh god, here comes dreamgirl. What do I say?! How do I look?! OH MY GOD SHE’S SPEAKING TO ME. ACTUALLY SPEAKING. HOLY CRAP. Wow, her hair smells pretty. WAIT – shes walking away! What did she say?! What did I say?! AHHHHHH”

Psych yourself out- tell yourself that this girl is NOT the mythical golden goddess who gives you a spazz out every time she walks by. Talk to her like she’s just a person- because in the end, she is.

~~Katie

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Well, I have a crush on someone and I hang around with him. What can I do? ~~Adriana Paiz

Advice from Katie

Hi Adriana,

Whenever I have questions in my life, I turn to Dusty Springfield, who apart from being completely fabulous and hardcore, is also very wise on matters of love: “You won't get him "Thinkin' and a-prayin', wishin' and a-hopin'”…(The rest of the song goes on to say that you should change who you are and devote yourself completely to his wishes and needs, invalidating your own. Ignore that part.)

Basically, what Ms. Springfield is saying is that you can’t just wait around for him to notice that you are butt-crazy in love with him- you have to tell him! I know it’s difficult and scary, but it’s the only way he’ll find out unless he suddenly develops psychic powers.

~~Katie

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I have a crush on this girl and I don't really know her. I want to know how to start a conversation since I missed the whole 1st month of school option. My friend keeps on calling me a wuss cause I won't talk to her. Its not that I'm a wuss, it's that I don't know what to say to her. I don't want to just barge in to a conversation that she is having. Someone tell me what to do. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhh help!! ~~Fatman

Advice from Melissa

Dear Fatman:

Does this girl have a screen name? A Facebook or a MySpace page? You don’t have to barge in the middle of a conversation and interrupt her. Wait a bit, and then you can start off just by asking her some basic questions about herself. Maybe start talking about her favorite music? Homework? School stuff in general? Then, to take the edge off, a lot of teens I know communicate through the internet because sometimes they are too shy in person. So, maybe it’s a good way to start things off with this girl. If that’s not possible, you can always compliment something about her—an outfit, hair, she gave a good answer in class, nice smile or great at sports---tons of options here. And finally, don’t give in to the bantering about being a wuss, either. That’s just testosterone talking, and most guys get shy from time to time around their crushes. So just laugh and ignore the friend who keeps teasing you!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Dear Fatman:

Well, you could use the "I missed the first month of school" as a talking point- ask her what you've missed, basic stuff about school that you havent gotten yet, If that doesn't work, well, talk about the weather.

~~Katie

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My crush is actually one of my really close friends, and he isn't that amazingly popular but he has quite a few friends who are also girls that are slightly possessive of him. Last year, on a French trip my best friend let my crush slip out to him, partly because she liked him too. He was cool about it though and he was a bit annoyed at my best friend forever for telling him... we're still friends, even though we are kind of nervous around each other. He teases me a lot, and makes me read his English stories and essays... and I still have a crush on him. I'm pretty sure somehow that he doesn't like me the way I do, but it's getting kind of difficult. What do I do? ~~ anonymous

Advice from Melissa

Dear Anonymous:

If Crushes were easy, they’d be called something else. Your bff let the cat out of the bag for her own gain, and now you’re ending up feeling weird/uncomfortable around your crush. I’m sorry that happened. But now that you have a sense that he just likes you in a platonic way--let it be. Above all, try to maintain a sense of humor around him. He obviously trusts and respects you enough to share his writing with you, so there’s still a special bond. Over time, he may see you in a different light, but don’t force the issue. Enjoy having a nice “friend-boy” and remember, there are plenty of fish out there. Keep your chin up and perhaps do something nice for yourself in the meantime.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Hi Anonymous:

Unfortunately, if he knows you like him but isn't doing anything about it he's either a total wuss (and who wants a wuss, anyway?), or he doesn't reciprocate your feelings. If you don't want to continue pining over him, you need to get some distance from him in order to get over it. And by the way, your "BFF" trying to get ahead with this boy by spilling your secrets? Not cool, not cool at all. Not very BFF-y behavior if you ask me. Good luck.

~~Katie

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There's this girl in my school that I would really like to date, but I have no idea of how to go about it. We have had some conversations. Then she helped me with something, so while I was on vacation I brought her something back to thank her. Still, I have no idea where to go from here. We have two classes together, but now I find myself having trouble talking to her. Any advice? ~~ shyguy97

Advice from Melissa

Dear ShyGuy:

You are among many guys who are shy about talking to a girl and asking her out. Don’t feel alone. It sounds like you have a head start because you already have two classes together. You can start with eye contact, a smile, and general boring class stuff. Most people like talking about themselves, so asking her questions about her hobbies, her family, what she wants to do after high school are harmless. Then, perhaps suggest going out with a group of friends to take off the pressure. Groups are easy and fun. Bowling, a high school event, movies, whatever. If you still have chemistry, you can ask her out on a date. Just keep things light at first, and you’ll know before too long. Try maintaining a sense of humor, you’ll get through this just fine!

~~Melissa

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I'm 14. I have this guy friend and we do a lot of things together. We text all the time and we hang out at school and go to the movies. I am starting to develop a 'crush' on him and I don't know what to do. I want to take our relationship further, but I don't want to make our friendship awkward. I have no idea what I should do...help! ~~Shannon

Advice from Melissa

Hi Shannon:

Crushes are fun and it’s normal that you would start developing one on someone who is already texting you a lot and hanging out with you after school hours. You can always play it safe, see how things go if you say nothing. There’s always risk in taking the next step, but without risk, you will both never know what might have been. I think if you are comfortable enough, you should maybe talk about it with him. I know that’s scary, but if you do it the right way, it doesn’t have to mess up your friendship. By right way, I mean, give him an easy “out clause” by saying that no matter what, you want to stay friends. If he has the same feelings, then maybe you two should consider going from friends to boyfriend/girlfriend. Then, just see what happens. You’ll know your answer soon enough. Just remember that you honestly have to still be a friend to him, even if he doesn’t have the same feelings back. My guess is that he very well might. Good luck!

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Hi Shannon,

Well, if you want to take this relationship to the next level, you're going to have to risk making it awkward, and make a move. (Physically, or just telling him). Or, since you're 14, you could be really sneaky, have a mutual friend very subtlety tell your friend that you like him, and see what he does about it. But, I prefer the direct approach. It all depends on how brave you are, and how comfortable you are with him.

~~Katie

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Hi Melissa, I am going through a relationship with a friend of mine and I have a crush on a boy. I have liked him for a while and he has not noticed me and I am really starting to fall for this guy what should I do? ~~sewuese

Advice from Melissa

Dear Sewuese:

I can't tell your age, but crushes come and go very quickly in the teen years. They can be fun and agonizing. That's why they are called crushes. My advice is to try to get some one-on-one communication in with your crush - either on phone or online if possible. Try to see what he likes/doesn't like and maybe suggest hanging out with friends or group activities. If he feels the same way, he'll respond.

~~Melissa

Advice from Katie

Hi Sewuese:

Wait... does this mean you have a boyfriend and like someone else? I’d say wait it out for a little bit to make sure you really like him and that it's not just a fleeting crush. I don’t know how long you’ve been with your boyfriend, but I mean, come on, it’s middle school, you’re not married. Ditch the boyfriend and go for it, you heartbreaker you.

~~Katie

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