How to Get a Girlfriend in Middle School

tween couple

Starting middle school is an exciting new adventure. You'll make new friends and meet a lot of girls. Perhaps you have your eye on someone and you would like to make her your girlfriend. Take it step by step and before you know it, she'll realize how special you are, too. It might be the start of a great romance, or maybe just a great friendship, but you'll definitely stand out from the rest of the guys your age.

Step One: Get Noticed

You can't get the girl if she doesn't know you exist. Be deliberate and creative, and before you know it, she'll take notice.

Be Yourself

It is important to be yourself when trying to get a girlfriend. If you are dishonest about who you are, she will eventually see that and will be hurt that you lied to her. Plus, you don't want a girl who doesn't like the real you, do you?

  • Keep doing the activities you already love. If you don't like sports, don't pretend to play a sport simply because the girl likes jocks.
  • Stick to your morals and beliefs. Don't change your personal belief system to attract the attention of another person.

If you completely change who you are to get a girlfriend, she will have a hard time respecting you. You may come across as insincere. Also, staying in your comfort zone will help you avoid those awkward situations where you put your foot so far in your mouth that you can never pull it back out.

Get to Know Her

One of the most important aspects of getting a girl to notice you is getting to know her. If you understand who she is and let her know that you see her inner self, she will naturally be more attracted to you.

  • Find out what hobbies she has and ask her about them.
  • Really listen when she talks. Don't just nod your head and think about what snack you're going to have when you get home from school. Listen to her and contribute to the conversation where you can with a comment or a question.
  • Ask about her family. Knowing whether she has siblings, lives with her parents, or has a large extended family can help you understand who she is.
  • Make a point to get to know her friends.
  • Ask what her favorite food is, favorite color, etc. Of course, don't ask about all these things at once. You'll want to get to know her slowly or you might seem like a stalker.

Dress to Impress

Take the time to look a little better than you normally would. This doesn't mean you should go out and spend a ton of money on a new wardrobe or wear clothing you wouldn't normally wear. It simply means:

  • Make sure all clothing is clean and free of rips and tears.
  • Wear clothes that are a little newer and brighter instead of the faded favorites.
  • Take a little extra time with your hair.
  • Make sure you are clean and smell good. This might seem like a given, but sometimes it is easy to get sidetracked, especially if you play a sport and suddenly see her after the big game. Take the time to have a quick shower in the locker room and you'll make a better impression.
  • If you have acne, go to a dermatologist to get it under control. While most adolescents outgrow acne, it can make you feel self-conscious, and it is important to feel and look confident.
  • Don't take a bath in cologne. No one wants to choke when you walk up in a cloud of fragrance. Also, some people are sensitive to colognes and it may make the girl nauseated when you're around. That's the last thing you want!

Capture Her Attention

Now, it's time to get her attention. You want her to notice you, but you don't want to come across as obnoxious.

  • Find a balance between getting to know her and not ignoring your friends. When you see her in the hallway, break away from your friends for a minute to say hello, but run and catch up with them. Sit with her at the school assembly, but sit with your friends at the big game.
  • If you run into her at a party or school event, smile and say hello. Don't be afraid to have a conversation with her. It helps to have some questions in mind you'd like to ask her, such as how her baby brother is or if the cheer squad is ready for their first competition.

Step Two: Show Her You Care

Even if she notices you, a girl may not think about you as boyfriend material right away. To get her to think about you as a possible boyfriend, you have to show her that you care about her in that way.

Compliment Her

Try to compliment her when you first see her. Don't worry, you won't seem cheesy if you're sincere and keep the compliments reasonable.

  • Why do you like her? Does she have a great laugh? Tell her, "I love your laugh."
  • Does she look nice today? Tell her that you noticed by saying something like, 'You look really nice today.' You don't want to come on too strong at this point, so you might want to reserve words like "beautiful" for when you are actually dating her.
  • Girls don't want a boyfriend who only likes her because she is pretty or popular. When you're complimenting her, also focus on things like her personality or accomplishments.

The Nice Guy Always Wins

In the movies, girls sometimes go for the bad boy, but in real life girls want a guy who treats them nicely. Keep these things in mind:

  • If you have a sister, how would you want her boyfriend to treat her?
  • Use your manners. When you meet her parents, shake hands, tell them it's nice to have met them and say "please" and "thank you."
  • Chew with your mouth closed. It is easy to get into the habit of eating fast and not worrying about whether your mouth is closed, but no girl wants to see a half-chewed bite of hamburger rolling around in a guy's mouth.
  • Girls like it when you hold the door for them, so hold the door and let her go into the classroom or into the school ahead of you.
  • Don't talk about other people and try to help others. Girls generally want to date a guy who is known as being nice to everyone.

The key is to do things with a sincere heart. Develop the spirit of a kind and nice person, and you will attract a quality girl who is also a nice person.

Body Language Is Important

Pay close attention to her body language. It can help clue you in on whether she is starting to like you as more than a friend. Signs that she might like you as more than a friend include:

  • She leans toward you while you are speaking.
  • She smiles.
  • She holds eye contact with you, or you catch her looking at you.
  • She laughs at your jokes, even the ones that are cheesy.
  • She may put her hand on your arm or shoulder when talking to you.

Of course, these things can also be a sign of friendship, but they do show that she at least finds you to be a likeable person and that is a good start.

Make Her Feel Special

You've gotten to know her friends and talked to her in class. Now, it's time to make her feel special and let her know that you are interested in her.

  • Help her out. Carry her books to her class. Offer to help her study for the big test. Open her locker when she struggles with the combination.
  • Ask for her phone number and text her just to let her know you're thinking of her.
  • Buy her favorite candy bar and bring it to school.
  • Get her help with something. Is she great at English and you aren't? Ask her if she'll help you study since she's so good at English.
  • Stare at her face and into her eyes. Don't let your eyes wander or she'll suspect you are only interested in physical things and not in her as a person.
  • Tell her you're glad to see her or that you enjoyed talking to her.
  • Upon saying goodbye after class or other event, linger for a moment longer than you need to let her know that you're reluctant to leave her side.

Step 3: Ask for the Date

Once you've grabbed her attention and she knows you're interested, it is time to ask her out on a date. Keep in mind that a date can be attending the school dance together, hanging out with a group of friends or a family cookout at your house.

Figure Out if She Likes You

Most guys are pretty nervous about asking a girl out on a date. What if she says no? What if she laughs? What if her friends laugh, too? The key is to figure out if she likes you. If she seems to, then move forward without giving it too much thought. The worst thing that can happen is that she will say no. She'll still want to be friends. When you look at it that way, you don't have too much to lose.

  • Watch her body language.
  • Does she seek you out?
  • Does she sit by you in class?
  • Has she taken an interest in your likes and dislikes? Does she ask about your family, interests, pets?

If you still aren't sure, you can go to the age-old fall back and have your friend talk to her friend to see what she thinks about you. The conversation goes something like this. "Hey, Mary, what does Sarah think about my friend Johnny?" The answer will tell you a lot, because you can be sure that Sarah has told Mary what she thinks. Mary will also tip Sarah off that your friend was asking and this can prepare her that you might be thinking about asking her out.

Ask the Right Way

You've done all this work, the last thing you want to do is make her uncomfortable when you ask her out. The key is to keep it casual, but not too casual, or you might get thrown into the friend zone.

  • Before you ask her out, decide when and where the date will take place. You know her, so you should already know what her parents will allow her to do. Group dates, hanging out at your house or meeting up for a game are all good ideas.
  • Consider her schedule. If she is in band, find a different friend in band and get their practice and competition schedule and make sure she is free for the day you're asking her out.
  • Approach her when she is alone and not surrounded by a group of friends. Girls sometimes feel uncomfortable when asked in front of others and aren't sure how to respond.
  • Ask in person. Don't send a text or a message on social media. Show her that you're braver and different than other guys out there. Yes, it is scary, but you can do it. Take a deep breath and say the words.

If she says no, your life will go on and while it might sting, there will come a day when you are interested in a different girl.

What to Say

This part should be easy. She knows you like her and think she's special. You know what you're going to ask her to do, when and where. Now, all you need to do is ask. Say something like:

  • "Hi, Sarah. We've been talking for a while and I think you know I really like you. I wanted to ask you if you will go to the movies with me (add other names if your parents require dating in groups) next Wednesday at 6:30 to see XYZ Movie."
  • "Sarah, I would love it if you would go with me to the school dance in two weeks as my date."
  • "Come to my house for a cookout this Saturday at two and let's get to know each other better. What do you say?"

The above examples are simple and to the point. It is clear that you're asking her on a date and not just to hang out as friends. You should come up with what works best for your personality, but make sure you give her an event, date, time and that you call it a date, so she's clear on what you're thinking.

How to React if She Says No

Prepare yourself ahead of time that she might say no. There are many reasons a girl might say no when asked on a date, such as:

  • She isn't ready to date.
  • Her parents don't allow her to date yet.
  • She is talking to another guy already.
  • You catch her off guard and she doesn't know what to say.
  • She wants to get to know you better first.
  • She simply doesn't see you as a boyfriend and may not ever see you that way.

Don't give up hope, though. If she says no, tell her that it's okay but you probably will ask again. This tells her that you still like her. If she said no for any of the reasons other than that she doesn't like you that way, she may say yes next time. Worst case scenario, she'll be flattered that you like her and hopefully you can remain very good friends.

Step 4: Ask Her to Be Your Girlfriend

Before You Ask

For middle school boys who are interested in having a girlfriend, there are some things you will want to consider. The word "friend" is an important part of the equation. If this person is not someone you can see yourself spending time with and you don't enjoy her company, she might not be the best choice for a romantic relationship. You should probably make sure you know her well before moving from friendship to dating.

How to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend

If you've gotten to know her and you want to ask her to be your girlfriend, the best approach is a forthright, honest one. Although it is hard to put yourself out there, because there is always a chance the other person will reject you as a dating partner, you won't know the answer unless you ask.

  • Tell the girl that you like her as more than a friend.
  • Be romantic. Give her flowers, write her a note, and compliment her with sincere words.
  • Ask her if she would like to be your girlfriend.

Comfortable Situations

If the girl says yes and agrees to be your girlfriend, set some ground rules that will make the dating situation more comfortable for both of you. These boundaries will protect both of you from getting hurt and keep you from getting into an uncomfortable situation with pressures you might not be ready to face.

  • Go out in groups of friends rather than spending a lot of time alone.
  • Hang out at each others' homes only when other people are present.
  • Agree not to flirt with other people. This might seem obvious, but as young people, it is easy to lose focus. The last thing you want to do is hurt the other person and damage her self esteem.

Talk to your parents and her parents about what guidelines they think should be in place. Since you aren't driving yet, you are going to have to rely on parents for transportation, so it is smart to involve them in this conversation.

Do You Need a Girlfriend in Middle School?

Some people might argue that you don't need a girlfriend in middle school, but in seventh and eighth grade most students seem to pair up. The question isn't really whether you need a girlfriend but whether you are ready for a girlfriend.

  • Are you ready to give up time with your buddies to spend with a girl?
  • Do you play several sports, or are involved in so many school activities that you can barely keep up with your schoolwork? Taking time away for a girlfriend could distract you and your grades might suffer.
  • Are you prepared for the drama that sometimes comes with dating?
  • Are you emotionally ready to put the needs of someone else first?

Friends Who Are Girls

Just because most of the other students are pairing up into couples doesn't mean you need to. If you aren't ready, you should wait to have a girlfriend. You have all of high school, college and beyond to begin a relationship with the opposite sex. Sometimes, it is better to keep things casual and have a close friend who happens to also be a girl. You'll know when the time is right to make her, or some other girl, your girlfriend.

How to Get a Girlfriend in Middle School